Expectations drastically lowered...
"That's a long time to watch dirty Pirates", a friend on mine told me after he and his wife attended The Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End opening night. "I just kept looking at my watch, hoping the end was coming soon." Not a ringing endorsement. And, he wasn't alone. It seemed that everyone held the same opinion; 'it was OK, just too long'.
Spoiler Alert
Wow, they were correct. I believe I looked at my watch every 6 min or so, wishing I had a remote in my hand to change the channel. The acting was decent. The special effects were... well, special. However, the script was thin, the dialogue/jokes were predictable, and the movie was about 60 min too long. I felt as if the writers realized their error in plot, and struggled with plot filler. The most frequently used writer ploy: trick the viewer over and over into guessing what was going to happen and who's side is who on. How about this guess - guess who left during the film to visit the bathroom, grab a hot dog and milkshake and loiter in the halls staring at coming attraction posters... just to avoid going back into the theatre?
The ending was just terrible. After 8 hours of film, we are back to square one. Jack is without a boat, abondonded by his crew and Barbosa. The couple of 'romantic interest' (that is a stretch as well) are still compelled to live seperately, forever. And finally, pirates terrorize the seas... seemingly, unopposed. Isn't that where we started 5 years ago? Also, how about the 'Uber-villan', Lord Beckett failing to take any action at the end. That was just moronic.
I enjoyed Johnny Depp's depiction of the crazy pirate Jack Sparrow. I wanted to enjoy the cameo by Keith Richards, but it was canned and lame. I absolutely love Geoffry Rush's character, Captain Barbossa. Although, it seems the writters warn us in scene one, he won't be the brash scroundrel enjoyed in the first movie. He tells Elizabeth Swann, "Sao Feng (chinese pirate played by Chow Yun-fat) is like me without mercy and sense of fair-play." Translation to audience, "I'm not going to be the villian like I was in the first movie, but rather the good guy. Therefore, expect that I won't be very tough or dynamic." With that declaration, I knew I was in for a long movie.
If I had to rank this movie according to ROI, I would say it was very low yield. Knowing that you need to see it, so as not to come off as a 'less than in-touch' person in pop-culture, save yourself some money and go to the theatre during matinee prices. Also, purchase some candy that can last three hours. I recommend Milk Dudds, you can chew on one for several minutes.
Memo to Hollywood: Special effects / action sequences are horrible plot filler... are you reading this, producers of Live Free or Die Hard?
